When I told my daughter that I feel freer having this novel out in the world, no longer struggling to decide what it wants to be because it just is, she asked what I feel freer to do now.

What a marvelous question! I told her I want to think on that.

Obviously, novel number three is already in motion, so that’s one thing. An acquaintance asked me today at the café what I’m working on, and I told him that I’m learning how to write a riddle for my literary mystery. That’s a skill I hadn’t counted on having to acquire.

Oh, and then there’s time and energy for fitness once again. As I told Mia (the daughter), I’ve moved to the “big girl bike” at the gym. Gradually, I’m getting better on it, and I’m feeling great, which is the best part.

I feel absolutely no pressure to finish this next novel right away. I want to enjoy the journey in a way I struggled to do with the last book.

With Southern-Fried Woolf, I wanted someone to guide me every step of the way, to read drafts and tell me what worked and what didn’t. I wanted to bounce ideas off someone regularly so that I wouldn’t spiral off in the wrong direction. I wanted a trusted eye, an editor of sorts, to help me do something I wasn’t sure I could.

While there were many generous people who helped me along the way, there was no regular, dependable presence. No one to read my chapters and push me in a direction. Which turned out okay in the end. What I learned is, I can figure it out for myself. Even when it’s difficult. Even when it feels impossible. Even when someone else might have a better idea. It doesn’t matter if their idea is better if I never hear it. All I have is me, and that’s okay. Brings to mind the lyrics of McCartney’s “Figure Of Eight.” If you know, you know.

Now if only I could learn to edit what I say so I don’t inadvertently put my foot in my mouth as I am wont to do, not realizing until later what it might have sounded like…my anxiety makes it difficult for me to speak sometimes, and when I do…sometimes….

Remind me sometime to tell you the latest thing my anxiety “made” me say. It’s funny, in retrospect.

I may take the weekend off from blog posts so I can focus on writing. And then there’s that wine and chocolate tasting to attend. And I’ve got a riddle to write, remember? 😉 But the tour continues!

P.S. Today would have been my dad’s birthday, and I’m feeling it. I miss him.

For Ashley: here’s what I was talking about.