I was pleased and humbled to learn that I am the winner of Spalding University’s “Leprechaun’s Legacy” contest. I’m sure they received many worthy stories, so it means a lot that I was chosen as the winner. That I was unanimously chosen means even more. I have been given permission to post my story here, as well as the feedback the judges gave me. But first, a few thoughts.
My parents married on St. Patrick’s Day, so it’s a special day to me. I don’t really do anything to celebrate (except make green beer sometimes), but I love it that my parents married on a holiday, and what’s more, that they didn’t realize it! That’s so like my parents.
My mother possibly has a wee bit of Irish in her background, but as far as I know, that’s as Irish as I get. AND I’m graduating in Ireland this summer, so there’s another tenuous tie with Ireland.
ANYWHO…I have added the judges’ remarks below, and then, tada!, the story.
You accomplished so much in such a short story! We thoroughly enjoyed the fun, at times hilarious and even dark, elements of your story. The interview approach was a smart decision that gave this story a new feel, and the sarcasm/attitude from the leprechaun was very entertaining and consistent from beginning to end. Three standout moments for us were the phrase “I want to throw up… so I can hide it in my vomit” the moment when the leprechaun cynically offers his gold and suggests that it might even turn them into leprechauns, and of course the final statement “dumb bastard;” these moments made us laugh and offered surprise, and such creative, even short moments that are so effective are a mark of a strong writer. For these reasons, we unanimously decided that yours is the winner of our leprechaun story contest. Congratulations and thanks for sharing your story with us!
And now, HERE is the story. I hope you enjoy it. 🙂
Interview with a Proactive Leprechaun Lurking Outside an Irish Pub
Could you loosen your grip just a bit? I’m holding my pot of gold out to you, so why do you have me by the scruff of my neck? Do you see a rainbow? It’s almost midnight, of course you don’t, so let go, will you?
Please, take my gold, even though I’ve tended sheep for over two hundred years to earn it and now you want to just rob me. What other group is subject to sanctioned mugging? The police won’t help, not a bit. And that’s not even the worse part of being a leprechaun.
You ever hear of a female leprechaun? You know why you haven’t? Because they don’t exist. That’s right. Someone created a species without giving us a way to procreate. Genius, huh? Try not getting any action for as long as I have – that will make you cranky. And forget about having children. No, we don’t even have that basic right. Who’s going to get my gold when I die? I could will it to cats or some dumb shit like that, but you seem like a nice young man with a future ahead of you. Thinking of college, are you? I suppose you could use the money.
Do you mind if I smoke? What do you mean you expected a pipe? What’s wrong with a leprechaun sparking up? If you’re going to college you’d better get over those stereotypical assumptions. I’ve also played beer pong, but I don’t really like beer, especially when they color it green in honor of “my” day. Do you know what I do on St. Paddy’s Day? I hide! All that green – did you ever eat anything that color that tasted good?
Forget all you ever learned about my kind because I hate green. Despise it. I want to throw up on all the green in the world just so I can hide it with my vomit.
And oh yeah, I caught you staring at my gold shoe buckles with your greedy eyes — not every leprechaun is a cobbler – I don’t even wear shoes half the time in the field. What, you want these too? I suppose I could hobble home, moneyless, shoeless. Why not? I’m just a leprechaun, invented for your thieving pleasure.
But my life is perfect, right, because I have this unlimited supply of gold? Then tell me why I’m not happy. Why am I here in this alley more or less begging someone to steal my gold? There’s only one way I will count myself lucky, and that’s if you’re gonna take this gold from me. If you do, I’ll be free from worrying about it, free from adding to it. I won’t have to imagine that everyone is out to grab me so that I will lead them to my gold. I won’t have to fear rainbows might be giving away my hiding spot.
Please, yes, do take my pot of gold. It’s cursed, but only a little. I’m not saying that your reproductive organs will shrivel, or that every female of your species will disappear if you take it, but you won’t know unless you do. Maybe it will make you happy.
What, you don’t want it? That’s just too bad. I’ll have to stand in the alley behind some other pub until someone comes along. Goodbye! Tell your friends I’m waiting.