We’re deep into spring, and I, for one, am grateful. I need the sun, need the flowers. Need to be able to write outdoors again because my heart needs sun.
Our family suffered a blow in late February. Peacefully, surrounded by her loving family, my eldest sister, Tammy, passed from this world.
My sister had faced health challenges for years, and we knew these past seven years in particular were bonus ones. Still, we hoped we’d have her a lot longer.
Her family meant everything to her. She was generous and outgoing. She was friendly and loyal. She was loving and loved.
The last meaningful interaction I had with my sister was to share some good news with her, and I’m so, so glad I did. Though she was intubated, her eyes lit up with excitement when I told her: Barry and I are about to become grandparents for the first time. Yes, Zackery and Katherine are expecting a baby.
Maybe someday I can write more about Tammy (and about my father, who left us too soon as well) but right now, it’s too difficult. I want to hold my memories close. I told both of them as they were leaving us that they were going ahead to prepare for the rest of us. As difficult as it is to say goodbye, it’s also such a blessing to be able to say everything that is in your heart while you still can.
Here’s a precious photo of a new piece of my and Barry’s heart, Alexander, coming August 2024. Just as I am Zackery’s Marmee, I will be Alexander’s Marmee. (From Little Women, in case you’re not familiar. Zack still signs cards to me that way.) Barry will be his “Grandpop.” I suggested “Grandrock” might be more appropriate, but Barry wasn’t a fan of that. I’m already obsessed with the little guy.
While I’m sorry I won’t be able to go to Tammy now when I need grandparenting advice, sorry I won’t get that reliable birthday morning call from her every year or spend time with her everlasting exuberance, I’ll never forget that smile of pure delight when I told her about Alexander. Even though she was in pain, even though she couldn’t speak, the sparkle in her blue, blue eyes said everything. I’m sorry Alexander won’t get to know her.
She is already so, so missed.
dremadrudge.com 
I’m so sad you’re going through this pain. Tammy sounds like what a sister relationship should sound like. That is beautiful and you’re lucky to have that my friend. Continue nourishing it as you always have. See your Tammy in the little creatures that come to visit you in your garden… in the sun. Feel her…
August. Yay. What a joy. Marmee. So happy this is progressing nicely. I send blessings. All the best. 🤗
(I ljke Grandpop better ) 😘
Thank you so much, dear friend. I was truly blessed to have her in my life. Your words are so sweet, so poetic, naturally, as you are such an epic poet.
I will think of her when I watch the squirrels play; that’s a wonderful suggestion.
It’s only now that I’ve felt up to writing anything much that I didn’t have to. You’ve had your own losses, so I know you understand.
And yes, I am SO excited to be a Marmee. (I will tell Barry you agree with him. I only suggested “Grandrock” because he plays rock music. LOL.)
Thank you again for your kind, comforting words.