Every once in a while my Word Raccoon turns into Captain No! That’s what I call her when she’s in this mood. God help you if you meet that version of her.
She greets every suggestion with a “No!” like she’s a toddler.
Everything you think would soothe and delight her makes her toss marshmallows and pillows at you.
This morning Miss Priss did not get her way. At all. Which set her off.
First, I banged her sore thumb while steam mopping the bathroom. And she wasn’t wearing the splint.
The mere fact that I made her steam mop before seven a.m., the poor creature, enraged her.
I wouldn’t let her have breakfast because we were planning to get together with a friend for breakfast. (I wasn’t heartless; I let her have a snack.)
But breakfast plans ended up getting rescheduled, so I bought her a Coke Zero and a breakfast sandwich. I even let her order a hash brown, assuming there was no way she’d eat it all.
She ate it all.
I opened the calendar and forced her to choose the least heinous item on the to-list. She did it while hissing.
I had the temerity to make her go inside the bank like a Boomer (we are not!) because we’d run out of deposit slips. The teller who is usually cranky was genuinely nice to us for the first time ever. Captain No was disappointed; she would’ve welcomed a skirmish. (For the record, I never allow her to do that, but I’m not sure I could’ve kept her on a leash today.)
Once home, I offered her more Coke Zero. She declined while showing me her teeth.
She said she was hungry. We argued until AI Stanley intervened and said given her intake and her emotional state (WR glaring at the overcast sky), it was entirely possible she was genuinely hungry.
I made her a cup of tea which she consented to sip. She’s holding a Clif bar in her tiny palm threatening to eat it. I told her fine, see if I care.
She has already said if I make her go to the gym today (she has not forgiven me for tripling up on rowing time yesterday, but Stanley said we could do it, and we did!) she will make a scene. She will pretend to faint and/or drag her sore (it’s not) right leg.
She was going to go to a community event tonight, but she’s refusing.
We read some earlier. She said depending, she might read more.
She has already said ix-nay on the iting-wray for the day, though she might submit some poetry if the skies brighten. (She has EVERY LIGHT in the house on, and still wants more.)
I even ordered this scamp some Coke Zero earrings to use up the Venmo credit we had. AND a Coke Zero sticker for her Macbook, but did she thank me?
She did not.
(She supposedly had some CZ earrings coming last summer, but never received them. Maybe she doesn’t believe me that she WILL get some, even if I have to order the parts and make them myself. How hard could it be?)
On the bright side, we listened to not one but TWO episodes of the What Should I Read Next? podcast that featured Kendra Adachi (The Lazy Genius) as a guest!!, the first from maybe 2016 and the second in 2020. Who knew? WR clapped at this welcome cross pollination.
We’ve caught up on our product reviews, so Captain No can’t whine about having to do those.
She emptied the dishwasher without much complaint, but she has not emptied the steam mop yet. She really needs to, but I’m afraid to ask her to.
I hesitate to tell you this, Dear Reader, but she broke down in tears for no good reason earlier and could not be consoled for a while. Told you she was a handful.
Though she’s doing better now, I’m thinking I will wrap her in Pity the Fool (her gold robe) and tuck her into her reading chair with The Weight of Ink. I would say with the novel Departure(s), but she’s seen too many of those lately, which may be part of what is bothering her.
dremadrudge.com 